Cat Jokes

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog? A: A terrified postman! Q: What do you call a pile of kittens? A: a meowntain Q: When is a lion not a lion? A: When he turns into his cage! Q: Why don't cats like online shopping? A: They prefer a cat-alogue. Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money? A: I'm paw! Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? A: She had a litter of mittens. 
source: http://jokes4us.com/animaljokes/catjokes.html

• Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
• Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
• What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
• What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
• Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
• What is a cat's favourite song? Three Blind Mice.
• What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice? Don't you have a cat?
• What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
• How did a cat take first prize at the bird show? He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.
• Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering.
• Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists? Because they finally opened their eyes.
• Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.
• What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell.
• What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat? A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.
• What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit.
• What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
• What happened when the cat went to the flea circus? He stole the whole show!
• What is a cat's favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple!
• Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store.
• What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
• What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.
• What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fatty puss.
• If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.
• Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he's in a bad mewd.
• If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None! They were copy cats.
• Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse.
• How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion.
• What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew.
• What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night.
• What is a cat's favourite subject in school? HISStory.
• What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
• How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.
• What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.
• Why are cats such good singers? Because they're very mewsical.
• What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner? Chain litter.
• What is the cat's favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
• How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.
• Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look? Because you stop looking after you find it.
• If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window? Because the window is closed.
• What is a cat's favourite movie? "The Sound of Mewsic."
• What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws.
• Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't? Your lap.
• Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.
• What side of the cat has the most fur? The OUT-side.
• What is a cat's favourite car? The Catillac.
• What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower.
• Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.
• What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.
• Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!
• Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he's always spotted.
• http://www.moggies.co.uk/

10 Reasons Why Cats Are Girls Best Friends

Encontrado em hrenoten.com

Create an enriching environment for your cat.

You can do some things to enrich your indoor cat’s environment and stave off the boredom that might lead to deviousness:

• Install a window perch/bed to bring your cat closer to nature.
• Institute a daily exercise period. Five or ten minutes with a laser pointer will do wonders for you both.
• Look for interactive toys—those that seem to move on their own will tempt your cat to play more often.
• Cats love watching the world from above—try to create spaces in your home where your cat can perch above the fray.
• Cats also love to scratch—make sure there are appropriate vertical or horizontal places for them to carry out this instinct.
• Keep the litter box clean.

http://www.gopetplan.com/

Keep knocking.....

Something to think about....

Healing Powers of Honey Water

Digestion: It normalizes digestion process and cleanses the digestive tract of parasites and prevents their breeding. It also cleanses the intestines of toxin deposits. Honey also helps neutralize gas.

Acidity: The antiseptic benefits of honey will also help to relieve the acidity in your stomach while increasing production of intestinal mucus. It also works to hydrate the colon, and infuse excess water into your stools.

Immune System: It strengthens the immune system, treats clods, is great against bronchitis and it cleanses mucus in the lungs.

Weight Loss: Honey water can help you lose weight! When the cells in your body do not get enough fluid, they send a message to your brain to being retaining fluids. The more water you use, the more water weight that will come off. When drinking for weight loss it is best to drink it before and during a meal, this will make you feel fuller faster. It is also important to drink it first thing in the morning on an empty stomach for an energy boost, and it helps to speed up your metabolism.

Allergies: It reduces the susceptibility to environmental allergies. Always go for raw organic honey which is full of enzymes, vitamins, and minerals that help to protect the body against bacteria.

Sore Throat: According to studies done at the Mayo Clinic, hot water with honey can help soothe a sore throat and cut down the duration.

Detox: It is also a natural detox; it helps to flush the toxins out of your body. To get additional benefits add lemon to the mix, lemon helps to increase urination.

Making the honey water

Put one teaspoon of honey in a glass of fresh lukewarm water and mix. You will get a 30% honey mixture which has identical composition as blood plasma. Honey creates a cluster compound in the water which increases this mixture’s health benefits. Honey-water is easily absorbed by our system.

http://www.curejoy.com/

20 Reasons To Eat 3 Bananas Per Day – And No They Won’t Make You Fat

From preventing cardiovascular events to regulating PMS, bone mass, constipation, heartburn, and more than a dozen other ailments, bananas pack enough of a nutritional punch to make most medications look like candy. Bananas also give an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. They are the number one fruit for the world’s leading athletes for a reason.

Research has proven that three small bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. But energy isn’t the only way a banana can help us keep fit and healthy. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a necessary staple in our daily diets.

The magic number which appears to be assist in the following conditions is 1500mg of potassium which is three bananas per day.

1. Prevents Cardiovascular Events: British and Italian researchers have found that having one banana for breakfast, one for lunch and one in the evening would provide enough potassium to reduce the chances of suffering a blood clot on the brain by around 21 per cent. The study has been published in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology. 

Scientists analysed data from eleven different studies – dating back to the mid-Sixties – and pooled the results to get an overall outcome. They found a daily potassium intake of around 1,600 mg were enough to lower stroke risk by more than a fifth.

The average banana contains around 500 milligrams of potassium, which helps to lower blood pressure and controls the balance of fluids in the body. 

Pervious research in “The New England Journal of Medicine,” found that eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

2. Bananas Help Boost Bone Mass: The potassium in bananas appears to counteract the bad effects of high-salt diets by preventing bones from decaying at a fast rate, says study author Dr. Deborah Sellmeyer, an assistant adjunct professor of endocrinology and metabolism at the University of California at San Francisco.

The potassium appeared to protect the bones of the women who took it, Sellmeyer says. They lost less calcium than they did on the low-salt diets, and the amount of lost protein was only slightly higher.

3. Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

4. PMS: Forget the pills – eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

5. Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

6. Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it the perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit’s ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke

7. Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

8. Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

9. Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana smoothie, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels.

10 . Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

11. Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

12. Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

13. Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

14. Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady

15. Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

16. Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a “cooling” fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

17. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

18. Smoking: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6,B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

19. Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body’s water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

20. Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

As Effective As Gatordate 

A recent US study has also found that bananas were as least as effective as PepsiCo sports drink Gatorade in providing nutritional support to trained cyclists during prolonged and intensive exercise.

Bananas Won’t Make You Fat

Why is it that bananas have earned such a bad reputation in the weight loss department?

There are approximately 108 calories and 17.5 grams of carbohydrates in the average banana. Much of the calories from bananas come from carbohydrates, both from simple sugars and starch. They contain about 19 grams of sugar per banana and 1 gram of protein, as well. Bananas don’t contain any fat, cholesterol or sodium. The fiber content of bananas also helps to control hunger much better for those who are trying to lose fat. 

Bananas can be an ideal pre-gym snack. In order to fuel energy, our body uses carbs and fats. Thus, this makes bananas an essential carb food, if taken before a workout. And as it is densely packed with nutrients and energy, it is an ideal snack for the fitness enthusiast. The natural sugars contained within the banana help provide a lot of energy before a workout. This is the reason why it is a huge favourite for serious athletes. 

As with any food, healthy or unhealthy, portion control is the true answer to avoiding weight gain. Therefore, if you consume bananas within your body’s food and calorie requirements, then bananas will not make you gain weight.

Eat Them While They Are Still Non-GMO

The UN Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) has warned that wild banana species are rapidly going extinct as Indian forests are destroyed, while many traditional farmers’ varieties are also disappearing. It could take a global effort to save the bananas’ gene pool.

Virtually all bananas traded internationally are of a single variety, the Cavendish, the genetic roots of which lie in India. Three years ago, New Scientist revealed that the world Cavendish crop was threatened by pandemics of diseases such as that caused by the black sigatoka fungus. Scientists are now hopping on the GMO bandwagon and claiming that the hope for survival of the Cavendish lies in developing new genetically modified species as well as hybrids that are resistant to the fungus.

Natasha Longo has a master’s degree in nutrition and is a certified fitness and nutritional counselor. She has consulted on public health policy and procurement in Canada, Australia, Spain, Ireland, England and Germany.

http://www.curejoy.com/