Friday, July 31, 2015

Zesty Lime Shrimp and Avocado Salad

Zesty Lime Shrimp and Avocado Salad – a delicious, healthy salad made with shrimp, avocado, tomato, lime juice, jalapeno and cilantro. No cooking required and super EASY! Gluten-free, low-carb, whole30, clean eating, paleo and low calories.
  • 1/4 cup chopped red onion
  • 2 limes, juice of
  • 1 tsp olive oil
  • 1/4 tsp kosher salt, black pepper to taste
  • 1 lb jumbo cooked, peeled shrimp, chopped*
  • 1 medium tomato, diced
  • 1 medium hass avocado, diced (about 5 oz)
  • 1 jalapeno, seeds removed, diced fine
  • 1 tbsp chopped cilantro

Directions:

In a small bowl combine red onion, lime juice, olive oil, salt and pepper. Let them marinate at least 5 minutes to mellow the flavor of the onion.
In a large bowl combine chopped shrimp, avocado, tomato, jalapeño. Combine all the ingredients together, add cilantro and gently toss. Adjust salt and pepper to taste.
http://www.skinnytaste.com/

Crafts

Gallery.ru / Фото #33 - BOOK TOYS - KIM-3
pattern ..♥..Nims..♥

Delft Crosstitch Pattern

Solo Patrones Punto Cruz | Aprender manualidades es facilisimo.com
http://manualidades.facilisimo.com/foros/punto-de-cruz/solo-patrones-punto-cruz_401158_1623.html#p8801439

Mommy and baby kittens

kittens and mother
http://weruletheinternet.com/2012/01/12/an-incredibly-cute-gallery-of-kittens-and-their-mothers/

How To Eat Right For Your Blood Type

How does blood type diet work?
D’Adamo says that ever individual has its own way of responding to foods, which is connected to the blood type. According him, lectins, or carbohydrate-binding proteins, attach to different blood type in a different way. The reaction between lectins and blood types can sometimes harm health.
The doctor explained certain changes and side-effects in his book, but his main goal was to analyze which food are suitable for each blood type, and of course, the amount in which they should be consumed.
Four basic blood types
1. Blood type A
20,000 years ago, in the developing stage of agriculture, this blood type went through the change of a lifetime. People with this blood type should be vegetarians, and they are also referred to as “the agrarians.”
People with blood type A should avoid meat, and eat more fruits, veggies, beans, legumes and whole grains.
In other words, organic and fresh foods are the real deal for these people, because they have a sensitive immunity.
2. Blood type O
Dating since 30,000 years ago, this is the oldest blood type. Unlike other blood types, it requires protein-high nutrition. These are “the hunters.”
People with blood type 0 should eat protein-loaded foods, including lean meat, poultry, fish and vegetables. They should avoid grains, beans and dairy products. To treat stomach ache and other health problems these individuals should take different supplements.
3. Blood type B
“The nomads” can adapt to dairy products and have the most versatile digestive tract. This blood type appeared 10,000 years ago.
People with blood type B should avoid corn, wheat, buckwheat, lentils, tomatoes, peanuts, and sesame seeds. According to D’Adamo, chicken can also cause some health problems. He recommends consuming large amounts of vegetables, eggs, certain meat and low-fat dairy products.
4. Blood type AB
These are “the enigmas,” because this blood type is only 1,000 years ago. As this is the most recently developed type, the diet varies between blood type A and B.
People with blood type AB should eat tofu, seafood, dairy, and green vegetables. D’Adamo says that these people struggle with heartburn, and they should avoid caffeine, alcohol, and smoked meat.
If you still have not determined your blood type, ask your doctor.
Food recommendations for each blood type:
Blood type A
Foods to eat: vegetables, whole grains (not pasta or bread), berries, figs, avocados, apples and peaches. Nuts and soy are the only proteins allowed.
Foods to avoid: any kind of meat, dairy products, and kidney beans.
Blood type O
Foods to eat: red meat, poultry (chicken, turkey), seafood and other proteins. Speaking of veggies, eat more kale, spinach, kelp and broccoli.
Foods to avoid: legumes (beans, peanuts, lentils), dairy products, eggs, wheat and grains.
Blood type B
Foods to eat: fruits, green vegetables, certain grains, red meat, fish, turkey.
Foods to avoid: seeds, chicken, peanuts, lentils, corn, and buckwheat.
Blood type AB
Foods to eat: turkey, tofu, seafood and fish, vegetables, beans, watermelon, figs, apples, bananas, legumes.
Foods to avoid: buckwheat, corn, red meat (causes stomach acid). Be careful when consuming alcohol and caffeine.
Organic food is great for all blood types. Ask a nutritionist to help you improve your diet. Food groups are strict, and you do not have to worry about excess calories. Learn more about the positive and negative effect of the food you eat. If the members of your family have different diet, the Atkins diet is the real solution for you as it avoids entire food groups.
Nutrition for one blood type fits one person, but it is unsuitable for other. To understand the whole concept, read Dr Adamo’s book. Ask your doctor or nutritionist for an advice, and introduce some healthy changes into your diet. Be careful if you are dealing with a special health condition.
Other included sources linked in Healthy Food House’s article: Natural Cures Not Medicine – Original Article Source
http://www.healthandhealthyliving.com/

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Dead Men Don't Tour - Rodriguez in South Africa 1998 (TV Documentary)

Sewing Craft.

Maquina de coser...What a cute pincushion!...This will look great sitting on my sewing machine!
http://www.artecomquiane.com/2014/10/20-moldes-que-vc-precisa-ter.html

Sewing Cushions


http://judith-for-joy.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2013-05-28T10:51:00%2B02:00&max-results=7
.
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/61/47/eb/6147ebe47ba898ad4e3d5e89a082405a.jpg

Tea Time Cushions

cute sewing idea. Find a template and cut out tea cups from all different scraps.
http://girlyme.tumblr.com/post/16693452103
Sandrinha Ponto Cruz: Almofadas (pillows) teacup pillow
http://sandrinhapontocruz.blogspot.it/search/label/Almofadas

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

MOSBOLLETJIES


1 kg koekmeel
10 ml sout
100 g (125 ml) suiker
10 g (1 sakkie) kitssuurdeeg
30 ml heel anys
100 g botter
250 ml wit druiwesap
125 ml louwarm melk
250 ml lou water
30 ml suiker gemeng met 30 ml lou water (suiker stroop vir borsel na die bak)
Metode:
1. Sif meel en sout saam. 
2. Voeg suiker, gis en anys by. Roer goed.
3. Verhit botter en druiwesap in ‘n kastrol totdat botter gesmelt het. Moenie kook nie. 
4. Voeg by droë bestanddele saam met die melk en water, en meng dan ‘n sagte deeg te vorm.
5. Keer deeg uit op ‘n meelbestrooide oppervlak. 
6. Knie vir 5-10 minute, of totdat die deeg sag en elasties is. 
7. Plaas in ‘n groot geoliede bak, bedek en laat rys op ‘n warm plek vir sowat 30 minute, of verdubbel in grootte.
8. Plaas deeg op ‘n meelbestrooide oppervlak en knie tot glad. 
9. Vorm in balle. 
10. Pak die balle dig in 2 panne van ongeveer 22 cm elk. 
11. Bedek en laat rys vir sowat 30-45 minute.
12. Bak in ‘n voorverhitte oond by 180 C vir 35-40 minute.

**Keer uit op draadrakke, dan onmiddellik borsel met stroop.♫
http://kreatiewekosidees.com/

Monday, July 27, 2015

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Selfie

A tough cat, decorating his tinder profile with an "Eye of the Tiger" selfie...

Let us all encourage our wives, friends and daughters to dress well and decent!

Two young ladies arrived a Meeting wearing clothes that were quite revealing their body parts. Here is what the Chairman told them: He took a good look at them and made them sit. Then he said something that, they might never forget in their life. He looked at them straight in the eyes and said; "ladies, everything that God made valuable in this world is well covered and hardly to see, find or get.
1. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected.
2. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell.
3. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers of rock and to get them, you have to work hard & dig deep down to get them.
He looked at them with serious eyes and said;
"Your body is sacred & unique" You are far more precious than gold, diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too."So he added that, if you keep your treasured mineral just like gold, diamond and pearls, deeply covered up, a reputable mining organization with the requisite machinery will fly down and conduct years of extensive exploration.
First, they will contact your government (family), sign professional contracts (wedding) and mine you professionally( legal marriage).But if you leave your precious minerals uncovered on the surface of the earth, you always attract a lot of illegal miners to come and mine you illegally. Everybody will just pick up their crude instruments and just have a dig on you just freely like that. Keep your bodies deeply covered so that it invite professional miners to chase you.
Let us all encourage our wives, friends and daughters to dress well and decent!
https://www.facebook.com/kingsford.kyereh

Friday, July 24, 2015

Live with purpose

This is the difference between Class and Trash
http://artsandclassy.com/2014/02/inspirational-quotes-follow-your-gut.html

Garlic and parmesan seasoned potato wedges oven roasted to golden tender perfection!

Garlic and parmesan seasoned potato wedges oven roasted to golden tender perfection!
PREP TIME
COOK TIME
TOTAL TIME
 

Author: 
Recipe type: Side Dish / Appetizer
Serves: 4-6
INGREDIENTS
  • 3-4 large russet potatoes, sliced into wedges
  • 4 tablespoons olive oil
  • 2 teaspoons salt
  • 2 teaspoons garlic powder
  • 2 teaspoons Italian seasoning
  • ½ cup shredded parmesan cheese
  • optional: fresh parsley (or cilantro), ranch or blue cheese dressing for dipping
INSTRUCTIONS
  1. Preheat oven to 375. Lightly grease a large baking sheet and set aside.
  2. Place potato wedges in a large bowl. Drizzle with olive oil and toss to coat. In a small bowl whisk together salt, garlic powder, and Italian seasoning. Sprinkle potato wedges with the shredded cheese, tossing to coat, then sprinkle with the seasoning mixture.
  3. Place potato wedges on prepared baking sheet in a single layer with skin-sides-down. Bake for 25-35 minutes until potatoes are fork-tender and golden. Sprinkle with freshly chopped parsley and dressing for dipping. 


http://lecremedelacrumb.com/

Persevere

#Inspirationalquote Don't give up, persevere! Keep on working for your dream, don't be afraid to try new things and reach for the stars! Motivation, success, inspiration, business, personal development, business, quote
http://www.bt-images.net/top-20-inspiration-motivational-quotes/

Peeping tom...

Do I see a mousie

Céline Dion & Barbra Streisand - Tell Him (1997) HD

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

A little lace, and you have a classy looking tanktop.

Add lace to the sleeves of a tank top and voila!
http://dododo.fr/diy-haut-dentelle-downton-abbey/

Life Lessons We All Need To Consider


 Critical information. 

"A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' 

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.. 

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ' Who was that?' 

'It was Bob, the next door neighbor,' she replies. 

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure."

"A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' 

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again . The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' 

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. 

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' 
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. 

 Listen to others before you speak.

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish..'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Poof! She's gone. 

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone. 

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' 
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. 

Aim high.

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' 
The eagle answered:'Sure, why not.' 

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. 
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. 

Maintaining your position.

A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. It's full of nutrients.' 

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

When in shit...

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. 
Moral of the story:
[1] Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
[2] Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
[3] And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
H/T: A Laugh A Day Will Keep the Doctor Away - Jack V. Grazi | Wisdom From The Beast: Strategy For Prison Survival - Ronald 'Light' Ashley
http://diply.com/

Bra sizes - How is it done?

Bra
http://imgur.com/gallery/CnmRu9d

Monday, July 20, 2015

Combata artrite, esporão e ácido úrico com o remédio mais poderoso e econômico do mercado

Combata artrite, esporão e ácido úrico com o remédio mais poderoso e econômico do mercado
Este é um dos melhores e mais baratos remédios naturais conhecidos. Ele funciona como suplemento alimentar com muitos benefícios para a saúde. E ajuda a manter nosso corpo jovem, com energia, além de combater e prevenir muitas doenças. Ele participa de mais de 300 reações bioquímicas do nosso organismo.

 De que medicamento natural estamos falando? Do poderosíssimo cloreto de magnésio. Este suplemento é facilmente encontrado em boas farmácias e em lojas de produtos naturais. Procure o cloreto de magnésio PA (que significa “puro para análise”), porque é o mais concentrado e mais bem assimilado pelo organismo. 

Os benefícios do cloreto de magnésio são muitos, muitos mesmo!

 Conheça alguns deles:

 - Ajuda a calcificação dos ossos: graças a ele, o corpo absorve melhor o cálcio, prevenindo a osteoporose. 

- É muito importante na formação dos ossos. - Combate e evita esporão de calcanhar.

 - Normaliza a circulação sanguínea, prevenindo ataques cardíacos. 

- Fornece energia para o corpo. 

- Normaliza a pressão arterial. 

- Combate bronquite.

 - Evita gripes e resfriados.

 - Estabiliza o sistema nervoso, funcionando como um tranquilizante natural.

 - Previne enxaqueca. - Limpa o sangue. 

- É um regulador intestinal eficaz. 

- Dissolve colesterol.

 - Previne o diabetes

. - Ativa a produção de anticorpos, ou seja, aumenta o poder do sistema imunológico.

 - Previne a formação de pedras nos rins.

 - Melhora o funcionamento dos rins, prevenindo ácido úrico e artrite.

 - Melhora o sistema muscular e cardiovascular.

 - Desempenha um papel muito importante em muitas funções celulares.

 - Ajuda na digestão difícil.

 Como preparar e consumir 
Normalmente o cloreto de magnésio PA é vendido em pacotinhos de 33 gramas (custa menos de R$ 10,00). 
Dissolva todo o conteúdo numa jarra de vidro com 1 litro de água. 
Mexa bem e guarde na geladeira. 
A dose é de um copinho de café diariamente (mais ou menos 50mL).
 Crianças a partir dos 7 anos podem tomar metade dessa dose. 
O cloreto de magnésio é contraindicado em casos de diarreia e de insuficiência renal.
 E o uso exagerado (grandes doses) pode causar náuseas, vômitos, diarreia e desconforto abdominal.
 Para um consumo mais seguro do cloreto de magnésio, consulte seu médico antes.

Veja mais em: http://www.dicascaseiras.org/combata-artrite-esporao-e-acido-urico-com-o-remedio-mais-poderoso-e-economico-do-mercado/

Rice Water for hair and skin

Rice water for hair and skin ~Rice water has been used for centuries by women in Asia for beautiful skin and hair. It is an excellent skin toner and hair wash. Rice contains ‘ pitera’ along with many vitamins and minerals. Pitera is beneficial for revitalizing skin’s natural glow and gives you clear skin. It is used in many expensive skin care products which claim to make your skin crystal clear.

Turmeric face mask

Turmeric has long been known in Indian Ayurvedic and Chinese medicine. It is not just used as a spice but it’s also applied on the skin. Turmeric has anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory properties. It works amazing for acne, eczema, rosacea and helps soften wrinkles and fine lines. In this turmeric face mask recipe, milk/yogurt is used which has lactic acid. It is an alpha hydroxy acid which helps gently 

Exfoliate your skin before applying a mask.

Heres how to make turmeric face mask:

Ingredients:

1 teaspoon turmeric
1 teaspoon honey
1 teaspoon milk or yogurt
Mix everything in a small bowl. Make sure that the consistency isn’t too runny or too thick. It should be a smooth paste in a creamy consistency. When you apply it on your face, it should not be dripping. Turmeric can stain your clothes so be careful, try not to drop it on your clothes.
Wash your face and dry it. Apply this mask evenly on your face. Let the mask sit for about 20 minutes. The mask should be dry before you rinse it off. Rinse using warm tap water. If you notice that the turmeric has slightly stained your face yellow, wash your face with a gentle cleanser. This will help fade away the yellow stain. With most natural homemade masks, results can take some time to show. Use this turmeric mask twice a week to help achieve better skin.
http://7beautytips.com/

Recycle - French Provincial Table Set Makeover

french provincial table set makeover, chalk paint, home decor, living room ideas, painted furniture, French Table Set Before
french provincial table set makeover, chalk paint, home decor, living room ideas, painted furniture, French Provincial Table Set Refinished
http://www.hometalk.com/

Kitten Therapy: The Prescription for Stress

Friday, July 17, 2015

Drink This Every Evening and Lose Weight Extremely Fast

Why juice is great for people who cannot follow complicated diets?
The National Cancer Institute recently began a campaign with one simple goal – to make people EAT MORE VEGETABLES AND FRUITS. Specifically, the recommendation was to eat three servings of vegetables and five servings of fruit a day, and their reasoning was simple:
A diet high in vegetables and fruits is able to prevent or cure a wide range of ailments!
Here we have several tips that will quickly persuade you to go “juice-addicted”:
1. It’s an easy way to get more fruits and veggies into your diet, especially if you are not big into vegetables and fruits. A diet rich in raw and organic foods will bring the best health benefits for you!
2. Fresh juices are a great source of enzymes. In fact, one of the key features of the juice is the “freshness”. If the food is cooked at temperatures above 114 degrees, the enzymes have been destroyed by the heat. The enzymes are still viable when you drink the juice,since the produce is juiced raw.
3. The metabolism slows down,when you go to bed and fall asleep. That is the reason why we suggest drinking juice in the evening: it will help you burn calories and boost your metabolism while you are sleeping.
Juiced vegies and fruits increase your metabolism real fast, so you won’t even notice the unnecessary fat loss.
Now, are you ready to give juicing a whirl?
Juice recipe:
Ingredients:
  • 2 tbsp. parsley (chopped)
  • 2 glasses of water
  • a handful of spinach
  • 1 lemon (squeezed)
  • 1 tsp. ginger (grated)
Directions:
Place all of the ingredients in a juicer and juice it. Once you prepare the juice, it’s best to drink it the same day you make it, for food safety. Yet, consume it in a period of 2 hours,don’t drink immediately the whole amount.
Drinking this juice every evening will prevent water retention,will help you get rid of the unwanted toxins in your body, will suppress appetite,will control food cravings of all kinds and will keep you safe from constipation, which is one of the main reasons for gaining extra weight.
You can simply juice your dinner or supper,instead of falling into the trap of disappointment, i.e. thinking that you can never be attractive again!
- See more at: http://www.healthyfoodteam.com/drink-this-every-evening-and-lose-weight-extremely-fast/#sthash.Ff0mgLXi.dpuf
http://www.healthyfoodteam.com/

Denver the Guilty Dog gives the McCheesy

Monday, July 13, 2015

They Asked Him How He Survived Without Computers And Cellphones As A Kid. This Is Gold!

My mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread butter on bread on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting e. Coli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake or at the beach instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

We all took Phys Ed ..... And risked permanent injury with a pair of PF Flyers instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors that cost as much as a small car. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

We got the paddle for doing something wrong at school, they used to call it discipline, yet we all grew up to accept the rules and to honor and respect those older than us. We had 40 kids in our class and we all learned to read and write, do math and spell almost all the words needed to write a grammatically correct letter.

Staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention we wish we hadn’t got.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or Netflix. We weren't!!

Oh yeah ... And where was the antibiotics and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played “King of the Hill” on piles of gravel left on vacant building sites and when we got hurt, mom pulled out the bottle of iodine and then we got our backside spanked. Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10 day dose of antibiotics and then mom calls the lawyer to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?

We never needed to get into group therapy and/or anger management classes. We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive?

For Aunty Acid by DouglasAnthony

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Cats - Poem by Charles Baudelaire


The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?'
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.

'Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?' Said the Piggy, 'I will.'
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon. 

Isaiah 43:2

Deep Waters

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Tinder Date.

On Monday I went on a first date with a man I met on Tinder. We met in a pub. After a couple of drinks we moved on to a restaurant. He bought me dinner. We strolled arm in arm on the South Bank. He walked me to the train station, where we kissed. It wasn't earth-shattering, but all in all it was a fairly standard Pleasant Evening.


The next day, I received the following message from him (be warned, it gets pretty nasty).

Hey Michelle, sorry been super busy at work today hun.

Thanks for a wonderful evening last night. I really enjoyed your company and actually adore you. You're cheeky and funny and just the sort of girl I would love to go out with if only my body and mind would let me. But I fear it won't.

I'm not going to bull***t you... I f***ing adore you Michelle and I think you're the prettiest looking girl I've ever met. But my mind gets turned on my someone slimmer.

Shallow? It's not meant to be. It's the same reaction you get when you read a great author or see an amazing image, or listen to a piece of music you love, it has that instant reaction in you that makes you crave more.

So whilst I am hugely turned on by your mind, your face, your personality (and God...I really, really am), I can't say the same about your figure. So I can sit there and flirt and have the most incredibly fun evening, but I have this awful feeling that when we got undressed my body would let me down. I don't want that to happen baby. I don't want to be lying there next to you, and you asking me why I'm not hard.

There are certain triggers that fire my imagination into life and your wit and intelligence are the beginning of that process which would inevitably end up in the bedroom. With just one result....

I'm so disappointed in myself Michelle because I've genuinely not felt this way about anyone in ages, but I'm trying to be honest with you without sounding like a total knobhead.

We could be amazing friends, we could flirt and joke and adore each other and.... f*** me... I would marry you like a shot if you were a slip of a girl because what you have in that mind of yours is utterly unique, and I really really love it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to avoid bigger pain in the future by telling you now so we don't have to go through that embarrassment. I'm a man... With all the red hot lusts of a man and all the failings of a man and I'm sure of my own body and its needs.

Please try and forgive me. I adore you xx


It's taken me a few days to sit down and respond. I've been busy.

Dear Man I Met On Tinder.

I was on another date when I received your message. He returned from the loo to find me in a flood of tears. He was lovely, but baffled, and hasn't been in touch since, funnily enough.

You don't have to fancy me. We all have a good friend who we look at ruefully and think “you're lovely, but you just don't tickle my pickle”. We wish we were attracted to them, but our bodies and our brains don't work like that. And that's fine.

What isn't fine is the fact that, after a few hours in my company, you took the time to write this utterly uncalled-for message. It's nothing short of sadistic. Your tone is saccharine and condescending, but the forensic detail in which you express your disgust at my body is truly grotesque. The only possible objective for writing it is to wound me.

And I'm ashamed to say, for a few moments, it worked. You stirred a dormant fear that every woman who was ever a teenage girl has – that it doesn't matter how funny you are, how clever, how kind, how passionate, how loyal, how determined or adventurous or vibrant – if you're a stone overweight, no one will ever find you desirable.

I like the way I look. I don't look like Charlize Theron, and that's fine - I look like me, and I like myself (I'm sure I'd like Charlize Theron, too if I ever met her. I hear good things).

You may think are all my profile pictures are "FGASs" (That's Fat Girl Angle Shots – pictures from angles that slim and flatter the girl. Because men only ever use candid, brutally-lit, unfiltered pics). But I think they're a fair representation. And I'm pretty upfront about who I am: I describe myself as a woman who loves pizza, and include links to myInstagram page, where I have the #everybodysready bikini shots I took on my 30th birthday. I like to think I come across as a confident, happy woman. But could this be the very reason you have targeted me? Did you see me and think “She has far too high an opinion of herself, she needs bringing down a peg or two”? I have to ask - we all know the internet is a dangerous place to be a woman with opinions (I discovered this first hand when I ventured a response to those obnoxious bloody adverts).

I showed your message to friends who expressed shock, horror, embarrassment on your behalf, and a desire to cause you actual physical harm. One male friend told me I have a lovely bottom “if unmarriageable”. I laughed with them. Then I cried in my Slimming World group. That's right! Slimming World! You see, I already KNOW that I'm overweight. I can tell you exactly how overweight I am – 20 pounds. I've already lost 15, and I've a stone and a half to go. I'm happy with that. I will get rid of it, safely and healthily. Does that mean that I can't love and enjoy my body now? F*** no.

I'll never see or hear from you again (you may feel the need to respond to this blog. Please don't. There's nothing you can say that will make me think that you're not a disgrace to your gender).

What truly concerns me, the real reason I'm responding so publicly, is the fact that you have a 13 year old daughter. A talented illustrator, who collects Manga comics and wants to visit Japan as soon as possible.

I want you to encourage your daughter to love, enjoy, and care for her body. It belongs to her and only her. Praise her intellect, and her creativity. Push her to push herself and to be fearless. Give her the tools to develop a bomb-proof sense of self-esteem so that if (I'll be kind. I'll say “if”.) the time comes that a small, unhappy man attempts to corrode it, she can respond as I do now.

Simon.
Kiss.
My.
Exquisitely.
Unmarriagable.
Arse.

P.S. “Slip of a girl”? CHRIST ALIVE, that's creepy.
http://www.iwillpayonepoundforyourstory.blogspot.co.uk/




THE SERENITY PRAYER

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY
TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE;
COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN;
AND WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

LIVING ONE DAY AT A TIME;
ENJOYING ONE MOMENT AT A TIME;
ACCEPTING HARDSHIPS AS THE PATHWAY TO PEACE;
TAKING, AS HE DID, THIS SINFUL WORLD
AS IT IS, NOT AS I WOULD HAVE IT;
TRUSTING THAT HE WILL MAKE ALL THINGS RIGHT
IF I SURRENDER TO HIS WILL;
THAT I MAY BE REASONABLY HAPPY IN THIS LIFE
AND SUPREMELY HAPPY WITH HIM
FOREVER IN THE NEXT.
AMEN.

--REINHOLD NIEBUHR