Saturday, December 20, 2014
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Friday, December 12, 2014
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Monday, December 8, 2014
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Friday, December 5, 2014
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I’ll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…….............…..”
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10. a pill," answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning,
I'll put the money under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow.
He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110.
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Monday, December 1, 2014
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Monday, November 24, 2014
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Friday, October 24, 2014
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
Gertjie the baby rhino has an adorable best friend in Lammie the lamb. The two love to prance and run around at the Hoedspruit Endangered Species Centre in Hoedspruit, South Africa. Companion animals are important for orphans like Gertjie because they provide companionship and minimize human interaction, which is important if the animals are to be reintroduced into the wild. Read more at http://www.reshareworthy.com/orphaned-rhino-imitates-lamb-best-friend/#XWXq6GWBC0qyPwat.99
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags wer...
The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days." The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environmentfor future generations."
She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were truly recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks.
This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribbling's. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But too bad we didn't do the green thing back then.
We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was
right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn't have the
green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana.
In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.
When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that
operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of
buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a
computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart-ass young person.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Friday, October 3, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Friday, September 26, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Here are 10 EASY Tips for Procrastination Help!
Procrastination Help Tip #1 – Personal Values Development to Help Procrastination
Procrastination Help Tip #2 – Making Health A Priority Helps To End Procrastination
Procrastination Help Tip #3 – Visualize Your Life Without Procrastination
Procrastination Help Tip #4 – Banish the Gremlin
Procrastination Help Tip #5 – Overcommitment Creates Avoidance And Procrastination. End Overcommitment.
Procrastination Help Tip #6 – Setting Personal And Professional Goals Leaves Procrastination Behind
- S = specific
- M = measurable
- A= Action
- R = Realistic
- T = Time based
Procrastination Help Tip #7 – Prioritize Your Goals To Avoid Procrastinating
Procrastination Help Tip #8 – Divide And Conquer For Awesome Procrastination Help
Procrastination Help Tip #9 – Reward Yourself For Getting It Done (aka Not Procrastinating)
Procrastination Help Tip #10 – Just Get Started. No Excuses.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Monday, September 8, 2014
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Friday, September 5, 2014
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Sunday, August 31, 2014
THE SERENITY PRAYER
GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY
LIVING ONE DAY AT A TIME;