Friday, May 15, 2015

Cat Jokes

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog? A: A terrified postman! Q: What do you call a pile of kittens? A: a meowntain Q: When is a lion not a lion? A: When he turns into his cage! Q: Why don't cats like online shopping? A: They prefer a cat-alogue. Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money? A: I'm paw! Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? A: She had a litter of mittens. 
source: http://jokes4us.com/animaljokes/catjokes.html


... don t cats play poker in the jungle too many cheetahs what is a cat s
  • Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
  • Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
  • What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
  • What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
  • Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
  • What is a cat's favourite song? Three Blind Mice.
  • What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice? Don't you have a cat?
  • What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
  • How did a cat take first prize at the bird show? He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.
  • Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering.
  • Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists? Because they finally opened their eyes.
  • Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.
  • What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell.
  • What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat? A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.
  • What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit.
  • What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
  • What happened when the cat went to the flea circus? He stole the whole show!
  • What is a cat's favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple!
  • Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store.
  • What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
  • What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.
  • What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fatty puss.
  • If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.
  • Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he's in a bad mewd.
  • If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None! They were copy cats.
  • Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse.
  • How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion.
  • What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew.
  • What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night.
  • What is a cat's favourite subject in school? HISStory.
  • What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
  • How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.
  • What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.
  • Why are cats such good singers? Because they're very mewsical.
  • What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner? Chain litter.
  • What is the cat's favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
  • How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.
  • Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look? Because you stop looking after you find it.
  • If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window? Because the window is closed.
  • What is a cat's favourite movie? "The Sound of Mewsic."
  • What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws.
  • Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't? Your lap.
  • Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.
  • What side of the cat has the most fur? The OUT-side.
  • What is a cat's favourite car? The Catillac.
  • What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower.
  • Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.
  • What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.
  • Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!
  • Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he's always spotted.
  • http://www.moggies.co.uk/

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THE SERENITY PRAYER

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY
TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE;
COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN;
AND WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

LIVING ONE DAY AT A TIME;
ENJOYING ONE MOMENT AT A TIME;
ACCEPTING HARDSHIPS AS THE PATHWAY TO PEACE;
TAKING, AS HE DID, THIS SINFUL WORLD
AS IT IS, NOT AS I WOULD HAVE IT;
TRUSTING THAT HE WILL MAKE ALL THINGS RIGHT
IF I SURRENDER TO HIS WILL;
THAT I MAY BE REASONABLY HAPPY IN THIS LIFE
AND SUPREMELY HAPPY WITH HIM
FOREVER IN THE NEXT.
AMEN.

--REINHOLD NIEBUHR