FUNNY JOKES

 

• "It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa."
• "Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents."
• "Can February March? No, but April May!"
• "How do lawyers say goodbye? We'll be suing ya!"
• "Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable."
• "What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream."
• "Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants."
• "I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy."
• "Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!"
• "When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent."
• "I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off."
• "What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar."
• "I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I'm just doing it for kicks!"
• "Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels."
• "Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb."
• "What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta."
• "Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island."
• "What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging."
• "What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam."
• "Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends."
• "I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
• "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field."
• "I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless."
• "How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!"
• "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"
• "Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize."
• "I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it."
• "I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me."
• "I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!"
• "I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since."
• "You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine."
• "What's brown and sticky? A stick."
• "Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent."
• "What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant."
• "What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk."
• "I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!"
• "Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!"
• "If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"
• "I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know."

https://www.countryliving.com/author/221968/Blair-Donovan/