You live for a lekker braai, not a barbeque. Barbeque is a chip flavour.
You eat mielies, not corn
You eat Bar Ones, not Mars Bars
You eat chips, not crisps
You eat tomato sauce, All Gold in particular, not ketchup
You’d rather eat a boerewors roll, or a boerie, than a hot dog
You love zoo biscuits and jolly jammers
You prefer Coke to Pepsi
You wear takkies, not sneakers or trainers
You wear a jersey or a top, but not a jumper
You wear pants, not trousers
You wear a swimming costume, or cossie, but most certainly not a bathing suit
You use a serviette, not a napkin
You use lip ice, not lip balm
You walk on the pavement, not sidewalk
You drive around a circle, not a roundabout
You speed up for an orange robot, not traffic light
You check the robots before you go when they turn green in case a taxi is still going through red
You load your Castle Light in the boot, not the trunk
Your car’s engine is under the bonnet, not the hood
You drive a bakkie, not a pick-up truck
You know Father Christmas, not Santa Claus
You write with kokies, not felt-tip markers
You’re the only nation in the world that knows the exact difference between ‘right now’, ‘now’, ‘now-now’, ‘just now’, and ‘later’
You don’t say ‘yes’, you say ‘ja’ or ‘yebo’
You always say ‘ja no definitely’
You put ‘man’ at the end of every sentence
You use ‘must’ completely out of context
You know ‘cheers’ means ‘goodbye’
You travel overseas and you tell people you’re from South Africa, their response is: “but you’re white!”
You travel overseas and people ask if you can speak ‘South African’, or worse, ‘African’
You know Americans think we live in mud huts with lions roaming around, and you have some fun with that
You’re working on your computer and you’re in the habit of clicking ‘SAVE’ very often, in case of load shedding
Your electricity service provider pays for advertising to promote NOT using their product
You have a load shedding app on your phone, and most of the time it also doesn’t work
Some of your fellow citizens have the most festive names, such as Blessing, Christmas, Innocence, Precious, Gift, Patience, Pretty
You eat dried meat in quantities that would make the sensitive stomachs of foreigners churn
Fort Knox-type burglar bars, high walls and electric fencing are a valuable selling point of your house
You flash your brights at oncoming traffic to warn them about a speed cop trapping in the bushes
You know fall as something that happens after too much brandy and Coke, not when leaves turn into beautiful autumn colours
You don’t look at something, you check it out
You prefer private transport to public transport, because taking a taxi means sharing a lift with 40 people
You take the lift up to the gym, not the elevator
You SMS your chommie, not text (well now you WhatsApp)
Where the road narrows, the guy behind you has the right of way
You’ve had at least one thing stolen from you
The first thing you do when you get in your car is lock the doors
You know how to eat a rusk, unlike the foreigners
You know that South African swimsuit models are the hottest in the world
You love you local entertainers such as Trevor Noah and Leon Schuster, and you understand all their references
You don’t miss a movie filmed in South Africa, such as Tsotsi, Blood Diamond, Neill Blomkamp’s movies, and the new Avengers
You know there are two types of people in this world, those who love District 9 and Chappie, and those who hate them
You love how Zapiro always gets it right
You have a opinion about the Oscar Pistorius case
You see Hadidas everywhere
The number 46664 is of significance to you
You love the fact that we have 11 official languages, even though you can only speak one or two of them
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