Cats - Poem by Charles Baudelaire

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?'
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.

'Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?' Said the Piggy, 'I will.'
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon. 

The Owl And The Pussy-Cat

Edward Lear

Isaiah 43:2

Tinder Date.

On Monday I went on a first date with a man I met on Tinder. We met in a pub. After a couple of drinks we moved on to a restaurant. He bought me dinner. We strolled arm in arm on the South Bank. He walked me to the train station, where we kissed. It wasn't earth-shattering, but all in all it was a fairly standard Pleasant Evening.

The next day, I received the following message from him (be warned, it gets pretty nasty).

Hey Michelle, sorry been super busy at work today hun.

Thanks for a wonderful evening last night. I really enjoyed your company and actually adore you. You're cheeky and funny and just the sort of girl I would love to go out with if only my body and mind would let me. But I fear it won't.

I'm not going to bull***t you... I f***ing adore you Michelle and I think you're the prettiest looking girl I've ever met. But my mind gets turned on my someone slimmer.

Shallow? It's not meant to be. It's the same reaction you get when you read a great author or see an amazing image, or listen to a piece of music you love, it has that instant reaction in you that makes you crave more.

So whilst I am hugely turned on by your mind, your face, your personality (and God...I really, really am), I can't say the same about your figure. So I can sit there and flirt and have the most incredibly fun evening, but I have this awful feeling that when we got undressed my body would let me down. I don't want that to happen baby. I don't want to be lying there next to you, and you asking me why I'm not hard.

There are certain triggers that fire my imagination into life and your wit and intelligence are the beginning of that process which would inevitably end up in the bedroom. With just one result....

I'm so disappointed in myself Michelle because I've genuinely not felt this way about anyone in ages, but I'm trying to be honest with you without sounding like a total knobhead.

We could be amazing friends, we could flirt and joke and adore each other and.... f*** me... I would marry you like a shot if you were a slip of a girl because what you have in that mind of yours is utterly unique, and I really really love it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to avoid bigger pain in the future by telling you now so we don't have to go through that embarrassment. I'm a man... With all the red hot lusts of a man and all the failings of a man and I'm sure of my own body and its needs.

Please try and forgive me. I adore you xx

It's taken me a few days to sit down and respond. I've been busy.

Dear Man I Met On Tinder.

I was on another date when I received your message. He returned from the loo to find me in a flood of tears. He was lovely, but baffled, and hasn't been in touch since, funnily enough.

You don't have to fancy me. We all have a good friend who we look at ruefully and think “you're lovely, but you just don't tickle my pickle”. We wish we were attracted to them, but our bodies and our brains don't work like that. And that's fine.

What isn't fine is the fact that, after a few hours in my company, you took the time to write this utterly uncalled-for message. It's nothing short of sadistic. Your tone is saccharine and condescending, but the forensic detail in which you express your disgust at my body is truly grotesque. The only possible objective for writing it is to wound me.

And I'm ashamed to say, for a few moments, it worked. You stirred a dormant fear that every woman who was ever a teenage girl has – that it doesn't matter how funny you are, how clever, how kind, how passionate, how loyal, how determined or adventurous or vibrant – if you're a stone overweight, no one will ever find you desirable.

I like the way I look. I don't look like Charlize Theron, and that's fine - I look like me, and I like myself (I'm sure I'd like Charlize Theron, too if I ever met her. I hear good things).

You may think are all my profile pictures are "FGASs" (That's Fat Girl Angle Shots – pictures from angles that slim and flatter the girl. Because men only ever use candid, brutally-lit, unfiltered pics). But I think they're a fair representation. And I'm pretty upfront about who I am: I describe myself as a woman who loves pizza, and include links to myInstagram page, where I have the #everybodysready bikini shots I took on my 30^th birthday. I like to think I come across as a confident, happy woman. But could this be the very reason you have targeted me? Did you see me and think “She has far too high an opinion of herself, she needs bringing down a peg or two”? I have to ask - we all know the internet is a dangerous place to be a woman with opinions (I discovered this first hand when I ventured a response to those obnoxious bloody adverts).

I showed your message to friends who expressed shock, horror, embarrassment on your behalf, and a desire to cause you actual physical harm. One male friend told me I have a lovely bottom “if unmarriageable”. I laughed with them. Then I cried in my Slimming World group. That's right! Slimming World! You see, I already KNOW that I'm overweight. I can tell you exactly how overweight I am – 20 pounds. I've already lost 15, and I've a stone and a half to go. I'm happy with that. I will get rid of it, safely and healthily. Does that mean that I can't love and enjoy my body now? F*** no.

I'll never see or hear from you again (you may feel the need to respond to this blog. Please don't. There's nothing you can say that will make me think that you're not a disgrace to your gender).

What truly concerns me, the real reason I'm responding so publicly, is the fact that you have a 13 year old daughter. A talented illustrator, who collects Manga comics and wants to visit Japan as soon as possible.

I want you to encourage your daughter to love, enjoy, and care for her body. It belongs to her and only her. Praise her intellect, and her creativity. Push her to push herself and to be fearless. Give her the tools to develop a bomb-proof sense of self-esteem so that if (I'll be kind. I'll say “if”.) the time comes that a small, unhappy man attempts to corrode it, she can respond as I do now.

Simon.

Kiss.

My.

Exquisitely.

Unmarriagable.

Arse.

P.S. “Slip of a girl”? CHRIST ALIVE, that's creepy.

http://www.iwillpayonepoundforyourstory.blogspot.co.uk/

DIY Clay Pot Smoker

Building your own smoker can have a lot of benefits. For instance, the costs of a homemade smoker will be much smaller than those of a store-bought one. Also, by making the smoker yourself, you have total control over its size, shape and quality. So to make outdoor cooking more enjoyable and delicious, you should build your smoker out of a clay pot. Just go to the closest store and purchase a clay pot, a clay pot tray, an electrical hot plate, cooking grate (circular), some bricks, a metal pie pan, an oven thermometer, bolts and nuts and a wood dowel. After that take a look at the tutorial below and start building your very own clay pot smoker! Install it outdoors, once you are done, and enjoy the all the delicious smoked flavors.
Circular Cooking Grate 







See more at: http://www.goodshomedesign.com/diy-clay-pot-smoker/

After His Wife Leaves Him, Man Finds Inspiration In His Bull Terrier Named Jimmy Choo

On his 30th birthday, Rafael Mantesso’s wife left him. She took everything in the divorce: the furniture, the photos, appliances.

All she left Rafael with was an empty apartment with bare white walls and their beloved dog, Jimmy Choo.

With nothing but a bull terrier as his companion, Rafael managed to turn his life around.

The relationship between dog and human is always unbreakable. Just take a look at how Badgi protects Rommel, a homeless boy living on the streets. Even in adversity, man’s best friend is always there to watch over us.

Inspired by Jimmy’s energetic attitude and excitement, he began using him as a model for his art and photography.

And, like most dogs who love affection from their humans, Jimmy loves it.

“It’s a part of my day that I devote myself solely and exclusively to him. He loves to be the center of attention. I think this is a feature of every bull terrier,” Rafael says.

See their incredible friendship and story below.

SHARE if you’re glad Rafael got a best friend out of his divorce.

"On my thirtieth birthday, my wife left me. She took her cookware, furniture, photos, her decorations. She left me alone in an empty all-white apartment. The only thing she didn’t take was my bull terrier, whom she’d named after her favorite shoe designer: Jimmy Choo," Rafael said.

Rafael Mantesso / Instagram

After his wife left him, Rafael went to therapy to learn why his relationship didn't work out. There he discovered he had autism. “As a child, I was very shy, anti-social,” he told TODAY.

Heartbroken but resilient, it was Jimmy Choo who helped him heal his broken heart. “He is the best partner ever,” he said. “[He is] definitely my best friend and companion.”

Rafael Mantesso / Instagram

Then one day he decided to turn his wonderful friendship into an outlet for his art.

Rafael Mantesso / Instagram

"One day I was playing with him in the room and decided to make this picture, holding his hand [while showing the] affection and friendship that existed there,” Rafael said.

Rafael Mantesso / Instagram

"With only Jimmy for company, I found inspiration in my blank walls and my best friend and started snapping photos of Jimmy Choo as he trotted and cavorted around the house in glee."

Rafael Mantesso / Instagram

"When Jimmy collapsed in happy exhaustion next to the white wall, I grabbed a marker and drew a new world around his ginger-eared pup. Suddenly, I felt his long-dormant inspiration for drawing, for art, for life—returning."

Rafael Mantesso / Instagram

"Taking pictures and creating art with Jimmy is my hobby, but it's so great that I have to time to play with Jimmy, who is my best friend," he said.

Rafael Mantesso / Instagram

By Emerald Pellot

http://bull-terrier.littlethings.com/

14 Amazing Psychology Facts Everyone Needs To Know

 1. Your favorite song is likely associated with an emotional event.

You and everyone else. 

2. Music impacts your perspective.

This one seems kind of obvious! A study at the University of Groningen showed that music has a dramatic impact on your perception. 

3. The more you spend on others, the happier you are.

According to various studies. Be sure to give plenty this holiday season! 

4. Spending money on experience instead of stuff also makes you happier.

Collect memories not things, right? 

5. Kids are more high strung today than the average psych ward patient in 1950.

Which is pretty scary but not surprising. About half the human population now suffers anxiety, depression, or a sort of substance abuse. (source)

6. Certain religious practices lower stress.

“The American Psychiatric Publishing Textbook of Mood Disorders” shows that people who engage in meditation and prayer religiously are less stressed out. 

7. Money does buy happiness, but only up to $75,000 a year.

For the average American, $75k a year buys happiness. It liberates you from poverty and gets you what you need in life. 

8. Being with happy people makes you happier.

This should come as no surprise. (source)

9. 18 to 33 year olds are the most stressed out people on earth.

Family, education, work, it can all be pretty stressful. 

10. Convincing yourself you slept well tricks your brain into thinking it did.

Thus giving you more energy. They called it “placebo sleep”. 

11. Smart people underestimate themselves and ignorant people think they’re brilliant.

It’s called the Dunning Kruger Effect, it’s real, and just go on Facebook and you’ll see what I’m talking about. 

12. When you remember a past event, you’re actually remembering the last time you remembered it.

Alright, that one blew the hell out of my mind. This is why our memories fade and distort over time. 

13. Your decisions are more rational when thought in another language.

A university of Chicago study showed that Korean citizens who thought in foreign languages reduced their overall bias. Neat. 

14. If you announce your goals, you’re less likely to succeed.

It’s true. Tests since the 1930’s have pretty well proven it. 

http://higherperspectives.com/

Husband Asks To Trade Places With His “Lazy” Wife And The Results Are Hilarious Read.

There’s an old saying that goes you can’t really understand another person’s experience until you’ve “walked a mile in their shoes”. In the case of the husband in the story below, he feels under-appreciated and believes his stay-at-home wife doesn’t work as hard as he does. He wants to teach her a lesson and prays to God to let him switch places with her, so she can know what it’s like to work as hard as he does every day. So, God grants him his wish, only for the husband to soon realize he’s the one about to learn a lesson.

“A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: ‘Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. ‘

“God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman… He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.

“Then, it was already 1 P.M. And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, And sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework. Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

“At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, Bathed the kids, And put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

“The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: – Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, Oh! Please, let us trade back.. Amen!’

“The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: ‘My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. But you’ll have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night’.”

Share this story if you liked the lesson it teaches!

Read more at http://www.reshareworthy.com/husband-trades-places-with-wife-joke/#BMrjpyvyYXAgBPw2.99