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Deserted Island

One day a man decided to retire, so he booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”

She replies, “I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank.”

“Amazing,” he notes

“You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.”

“Oh, this thing?” explains the woman

“I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island

The oars were whittled from gum tree branches

I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.”

“But, where did you get the tools?”

“Oh, that was no problem,” replied the woman

“On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed

I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware.”

The guy is stunned. "Let's row over to my place,” she says.

So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf.

As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat

Before him is a long stone walk leading to an cabin and tree house

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.

As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It's not much, but I call it home

Sit down, please

Would you like a drink?”

“No! No thank you,” the man blurts out, still dazed

“I can't take another drop of coconut juice.”

“It's not coconut juice,” winks the woman

“I have a still

How would you like a Tropical Spritz?”

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk

After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, “I'm going to slip into something more comfortable

Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.”

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom

There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone

Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

“This woman is amazing,” he muses

“What's next?” When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias.

She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

“Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We've both been out here for many months

You must have been lonely

There's something I'm certain you feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for, right?” She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing

“You mean…” he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, “You've built a Golf Course ?”

Jane Russel - who was known for her voluptuous figure and sexualized on-screen persona.

 Ernestine Jane Geraldine Russell (June 21, 1921 – February 28, 2011) was an American actress, singer, and model. She is known as one of Hollywood's leading sex symbols in the 1940s and 1950s.

                               

Died February 28, 2011, Santa Maria, California,

aged 89 

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Beef Chow Mein

Ingredients

For the beef

• 1/2 pound flank steak thinly sliced

• 1/4 teaspoon sugar

• 1/4 teaspoon sesame oil

• 1 tablespoon low sodium soy sauce

• 1 teaspoon cornstarch

For the chow mein

• 1 tablespoon vegetable oil

• 6 ounces dry chow mein noodles

• 1/2 cup yellow onion thinly sliced

• 1/2 cup carrots shredded or julienned

• 1/4 cup celery thinly sliced

• 1 teaspoon minced garlic

• 1 cup shredded cabbage

• 2 tablespoons low sodium soy sauce

• 1 1/2 teaspoons sugar

• 1/4 cup low sodium beef broth

• 1 teaspoon cornstarch

• 1 tablespoon sesame oil

• 1/4 cup sliced green onion tops (only the dark green part)

• salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

For the beef

1. Place the flank steak, sugar, sesame oil, soy sauce and cornstarch in a bowl. Stir to combine. Cover and refrigerate for at least 10 minutes.

For the chow mein

1. Bring a pot of salted water to a boil; add the chow mein noodles and cook according to package instructions.

2. Preheat the oil in a large pan over medium high heat.

3. Add the steak in a single layer. Cook for 3-4 minutes per side or until browned.

4. Remove the steak from the pan and cover to keep warm. Add the onions, carrots and celery to the pan and cook for 3-4 minutes or until just softened. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

5. Add the garlic and cook for 30 seconds.

6. Add the beef, noodles and cabbage to the pan. Toss to combine.

7. In a small bowl, whisk together the soy sauce, sugar, beef broth, cornstarch and sesame oil. Add the sauce to the pan. Bring to a simmer and cook for 1 minute.

8. Stir until sauce evenly coats the noodles. Add the green onion tops and cook for 1-2 more minutes, until green onions and cabbage are wilted. Serve immediately.

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