HAPPY 2021, MAY THE YEAR BE FILLED WITH BLESSINGS

NERVOUS OLD LADY AND THE DENTIST.

                   

 A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old woman, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

'No, I  don't,'  she replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in  Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their  hands, let them  dry, Then peel off the gloves and throw them into  boxes of the right size.'

She didn't crack a  smile.

'Oh, well.. I tried,' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked.  

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'  

(Gotta  watch those little old women! Their minds are always working!

 

A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

           

• Officer: May I see your driver's license?

• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?

• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?

• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?

• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?

• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?

• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.

• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.

• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

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12 STEPS TO SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE

 

When you are constantly, feeling overwhelmed and stressed, it is a good sign that you probably need to simplify your life. There is stress in life that are unavoidable and uncontrollable, but what most people do not realize is that they are in control of much of the stress that is occurring.

We often make our lives more difficult than they need to be, so when we dial it down a notch and make things simpler, our stress levels will fall rapidly making our lives much more enjoyable.

It is a choice we can all make.

Many times, we think everything is of equal importance in our lives, but there are some great ways to evaluate what really matters so we can gain a new perspective on life.

Below are 12 tips for simplifying your life.

1. Figure out what is truly important.

This is really so simple. You must identify what is important to you and more or less eliminate everything else. This is easier to do than you may realize. Start with an organized plan of how to simplify by making a list of all activities you have going on in your life right now that take up time or create stress.

What has the most emphasis on a day-to-day basis? What can be simplified or eliminated.  Once you make this list, it is a whole lot easier to see what changes can be done to avoid stress

 

2. Clear the clutter.

In your home and office, probably many things are cluttering your space. Everything must have its place – even if it is in the trash! When you clear the clutter from your space, you will find that cleaning, finding things and simply going about your daily life is a lot simpler and a whole lot less stressful. Likewise, just the mental and emotional aspect of clearing out the clutter is helpful to simplifying.

3. Limit time on media.

Most people do not realize that social media as well as television consume a lot of their time. Carve out specific times for this and limit yourself. Most people find that limiting these activities, creates much more time and space within their day.

4. Reconsider your commitments.

If you stressed out all the time, it may be time to pare down your commitments. Many times, we simply over-commit ourselves. You should look at the “extras” in your life and see how they align with the things that are most important to you. If there are things that you are committed to doing that you do not enjoy or do not add meaning to your life, consider giving them up. You can reduce stress and make your life more relaxed when you release yourself from commitments that are only tying you down.

5. Re-evaluate your buying habits.

Many people feel stressed out because of finances. Simplifying what you purchase can create much more peace in your life. Evaluate what you are purchasing regularly and determine whether these items are necessary. In addition, does food go to waste in your fridge? Reconsider how you do your grocery shopping, what is useful, and what goes to waste.

6. Create dedicated alone time.

Dedicate a certain amount of time to yourself to be alone each week. During this time, do an evaluation of what you can continue to simplify and what is going well. Then take a bit of your alone time to rest and breathe.

7. Say no.

Many times when we stressed, it is because we do not know how to say no to the people in our lives. Saying no to kids, family, friends, and even the boss is important. It can be tough to say no, but you can say it with grace or by delegating the request to another capable person. If you are finding it difficult to stay firm, remember that you are not superman or superwoman. You cannot possibly take on the world by yourself!

8. Pare down your beauty routine.

This area is often time-consuming for women. Chances are that you are putting more into your beauty routine than is necessary. Figure out where you can eliminate time and still feel great about yourself.

9. Simplify your work.

Every day when you are at work, you likely have a 10-page to-do list. In reality, there are things that just are not very important and are not worth the effort. There will be things that you will never get around to do. That is okay! Accept the fact, re-evaluate your activities to determine what is essential, and do away with the rest.

10. Keep surfaces clear.

Just like clearing out the clutter, keep your surfaces clear on a daily basis. Taking just a couple minutes a day to clear out your mail and your countertops can do wonders for your emotional state. When things build up, it creates mountains of stress, literally.

11. Involve the family.

There is as much to do at home, as there is at work. Make your family your team and involve them in the home activities. Get everyone involved in the little tasks around the home such as taking out the trash, dusting, and doing the dishes. For example, you can require that each family member pick up 5-10 things around the house before bed. This way, cleaning the house is a lot easier and you can spend more of your time relaxing instead of worrying about every little task around the home.

12. Learn what enough is.

We live in a world where it seems like everyone always wants more. Learn what enough in your life is. You will find more fulfilment in what you already have and learn that seeking more is only a means to create more stress.

As you can see, simplifying your life does not have to be difficult. You just need to get back to basics and do away with everything else. Living a simple life is living a happier, less stressed life and that is something that we can all aspire to do.

http://facthacker.com/

May you fly to new heights.

The only bird that will peck at an Eagle, is the crow. He sits on his back and bites his neck. The Eagle does not respond or fight with the crow. It doesn't waste time or energy on the crow. It simply opens its wings and begins to rise higher in the sky. The higher the flight, the harder it is for the crow to breathe. Eventually the crow falls due to lack of oxygen. Stop wasting your time with the crows.

Just take them to your heights and they'll fade. May you fly to new heights....

 

Mushroom and Bacon Cheesecake

Ingredients

• 1-3/4 cups soft bread crumbs
• 1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 6 tablespoons butter, melted
• FILLING:
• 1 cup finely chopped onion
• 1 cup finely chopped sweet red pepper
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 4 cups assorted chopped fresh mushrooms
• 3 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese, softened
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon pepper
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 4 large eggs, room temperature, lightly beaten
• 12 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled
• 1 cup crumbled feta cheese
• 1/2 cup minced fresh parsley
• Roasted sliced mushrooms, fresh parsley and additional cooked bacon strips, optional
• Assorted crackers

Directions

• 1. Place a greased 9-in. springform pan on a double thickness of heavy-duty foil (about 18 in. square). Securely wrap foil around pan.
• 2. In a small bowl, combine the bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese and butter. Press onto the bottom of a greased 9-in. springform pan. Place pan on a baking sheet. Bake at 350° for 10-15 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on a wire rack.
• 3. Meanwhile, in a large skillet, saute onion and red pepper in oil for 2 minutes. Add mushrooms; cook and stir for 10 minutes or until liquid has evaporated. Set aside to cool.
• 4. In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese, salt and pepper until light and fluffy. Beat in sour cream. Add eggs; beat on low speed just until combined. Fold in the bacon, feta cheese, parsley and mushroom mixture. Pour into crust. Place springform pan in a large baking pan; add 1 in. of hot water to larger pan.
• 5. Bake at 350° for 55-65 minutes or until center is just set and top appears dull. Remove springform pan from water bath. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Carefully run a knife around edge of pan to loosen; cool 1 hour longer. Refrigerate overnight.
• 6. Remove sides of pan. Top with mushrooms, parsley and additional bacon if desired. Serve with crackers.
• https://www.tasteofhome.com/