How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know
about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
______________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which was sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
______________________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
______________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________________________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

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Best 60s Dancer Boy Ever - The Nitty Gritty

This Story Of A Poor Boy Who Is Rejected By His Rich Love Has The PERFECT Ending

 

A poor boy was in love with a rich man’s daughter.

One day, the boy proposed to her, and the girl said, “Your monthly salary is equivalent to my daily expenses. How can I be involved with you?”

She went on, “How could you have thought of that? I can never love you, so forget about me and get engaged to someone else of your level.”

But for some reason, the boy could not forget her so easily.

Roughly 10 years later, they stumbled into each other in a shopping mall.

She immediately said, “Hey, you! How are you? Now I’m married, and do you know how much my husband’s salary is? $15,700 per month! Can you beat that? And he is also very smart.”

The man’s eyes became wet with tears on hearing those words from the woman he used to care for.

A few seconds later, her husband came around. But before the lady could say a word, her husband saw the man and said, “Sir, you’re here! And you’ve met my wife!”

Then he turned to his wife,”This is my boss who runs the $100 million project I’ve been working on!

“And if you want to know something strange about him, he once loved a lady but he couldn’t win her heart. That’s why he has remained unmarried since.”

He went on, “How lucky would that lady have been if she had married this man right here?”

The lady looked in total shock but couldn’t utter a word.

Final Words: Life is very short and just like a mirror. You can only see as much as it reflects. So don’t be too arrogant or proud by looking down on others because of their current situations. Things can change with time, just like the weather. Don’t underestimate anyone, because everyone has a different story!

By Phil Mutz

http://date.littlethings.com/

Just a dog...

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