Honesty on the internet/Blonde Jokes

There were three women, a brunette, a red head, and a blonde. They all worked together at an office. Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too. The boss left and so did they. The brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The red head went home to get in a quick workout before her dinner date. The blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opened the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left. The next day, the brunette and the red head are talking about going home early again. They ask the blonde if she wants to leave early again. "No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught." 

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said: "I can't take this, you're my friend." But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bet's a bet." Then the redhead said: "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again." 

Some Kitchen Tips

To make buttermilk, add 1 tablespoon of vinegar or lemon juice to regular milk.

 To make self-rising flour, mix together 1 cup of all-purpose flour, 1 teaspoon of baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, an 1/4 teaspoon of baking soda.

 To minimize the tears, put onions in the freezer for about 15 minutes before chopping. 

If you accidentally put too much salt in a recipe, sometimes putting a slice of raw, peeled potato will soak up excess salt.

Store onions and potatoes separately. They both make each other go bad faster.

Separate your bananas as soon as you return from the store. They’ll stay fresh longer.

When reheating bread goods (such as muffins, pancakes, and the like), put a cup of water in the microwave with it. It adds moisture to the air and keeps the bread soft.

 To get the most juice out of a lemon or lime, zap it in the microwave for 20 seconds or so, let it sit for a minute, and then roll it around on the counter a few times.

To peel a whole garlic clove, place the flat side of a knife on top of the clove and give it a good whack. The skin should fall right off.

Get the icky smell of garlic or onions off your hands by “washing” them with water and baking soda. Or water with vanilla essence.

To double the amount of your butter used for spreading, simply whip it with a small amount of warm water until it’s light and fluffy. This isn’t ideal for baking recipes that need a specific fat amount, but it’s great for spreading on your bread or corn-on-the-cob. Just keep it in the refrigerator, and it should stay light.

Scorpions - Humanity

Italian Biscuits

INGREDIENTES 
300g de açúcar
300g de farinha de trigo
1 pitada de sal
1 colher (chá) de erva-doce em grão torrada
1 colher (chá) de mel
1 colher (chá) de fermento em pó
1 colher (chá) de extracto de baunilha
2 ovos
150g de amêndoas peladas

100g uva passa

1 gema batida para pincelar
açúcar para polvilhar

PREPARAÇÃO 
Numa tigela misturar os ingredientes secos, excepto a amêndoa.
Juntar a baunilha e os ovos e amassar. Juntar as amêndoas e amassar.
Tender 3 rolos cilíndricos com 12cm de largura e achatar as margens dos rolos de forma a obter-se uma secção em meia-lua, com 2-3cm de altura no centro.
Levar ao forno sobre papel vegetal ou tapete de silicone, afastados, pincelados com gema e polvilhados com açúcar, a 200ºC durante 15-20min..
Retirar deixar arrefecer 5min. e cortar, com uma faca grande de chefe, em palitos da grossura de um dedo.

Levar os palitos ao forno, no mesmo papel, durante 5min. a 200ºC para secarem e ficarem crocantes.

Deixam-se arrefecer completamente antes de guardar.

Words of Wisdom

Cat Joke

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, put the cat outside, etc.

The taxi arrives and as the couple go out the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty, explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab: "Sorry I took so long," he says, "stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"